i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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