i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
