I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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