I'm gonna have a badass scar
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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