do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
