If that was your dad, he is hot
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
