At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
