working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
