I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
