hell yes lets make some ravioli
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
