So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
