haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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