Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
