hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
