I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
