oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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