So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize
