Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
