She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
