I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
