nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We got so high we made milksteak
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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