Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
