I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
