He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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