Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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