he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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