I'm so fucking centered right now
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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