Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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