He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
