Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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