it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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