He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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