We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You're a waste of cheezeits
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
