9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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