matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
There are leaves in my underwear?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
