Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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