I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i've created a new STD.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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