Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
