So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
