What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
