Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
There r osticjed everywhere
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
