i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
