Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
