The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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