Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I AM VODKA MAN
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
