Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
