i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
