finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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