i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
