Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
